Often I would see her, just out of the corner of my eye, but when I turned to look, she would always be gone. We played this game of tag for many years, she looking for me at times, and me for her at other times. All through my youth, I chased her, but I might as well have been looking for a ghost, for she eluded me. There were helpers along the way, guides and signposts. They would speak of her but in a language I could not understand. It frustrated and angered me until I finally gave up the search. She was a spirit to me and nothing more, and now I scorned her very existence.
So life went on and I kept very busy. Busy with the business of living. There were jobs to be done and people to care for and deadlines to meet. I became tired and anxious and brooding at times. The more work I did, the more work there seemed to be yet undone. I attacked it all with a vengeance, blazing a trail in front of me and behind me that anyone could see. Except her. In my heart of hearts, I had made it that way on purpose. No darkness could enter, I told myself.
Then one day I could go no further. The road came abruptly to a halt. The ledge was strong and high, and there was nothing that could blast through it. The trail behind me was ablaze and narrow and far too dangerous. I stood there with no place to go. If I went back, I would be burned alive. If I went forward, I would be crushed. Panic overtook me and then despair.
And that is when I saw her. I had the sudden suspicion she had been there all along. She reached her hand out to me and pulled me out of the prison I was in, and she showed me a secret pathway I hadn’t seen before. It was a dangerous path filled with wild animals, but she easily slew every animal that came at us. We ran and ran until we were exhausted and could go no further. At long last I had found her, and she was nothing like I thought she would be.
From then on, we walked our path together. She would defend me against the wild creatures, and I would shine a light for her when she plunged too far into the shadow. Each time one of us threatened to go too far down a narrow path, the other would haul her back with strength and power. Each of us knew for certain that we could rely on the other. And this gave us peace, and it was enough.