This is a real road in Maine. I pass it every day and not once--not once--have I ever gone down it. Every day when I pass it, I wonder what it’s like. How long is it? Who lives there? What are the trees and animals like there? What sort of shelter will I find at the end? All I have to do is turn and walk down the road, but I never do.
Sanctuary Road. A
haven, a shelter, an oasis, a harbor.
Isn’t that what everyone wants?
Doesn’t everyone want a place of refuge where they can hide and wait out
the storm? Doesn’t everyone want a place
where they finally feel safe, where they can at last be themselves? All I have to do is turn and walk down the
road, but I never do.
We try to build our sanctuaries all our lives. They start with our egos. We hide behind them and feel safer. Thank goodness no one knows what we’re really
like or they’d think we were just dreadful.
Then we move on to relationships.
We find someone who is our “rock” or to whom we can be a rock. Now we have the power of two and we can hide
even more because we’re stronger and no one will know what we’re really
like. Then there are our careers. I’m a doctor.
I’m an engineer. I’m a scientist. I’m a librarian. I’m only a waitress. I’m only a secretary. I’m only a janitor. Hmmm….some career sanctuaries seem to be
“better” than others, at least according to society. But we all still hide behind them, whatever
they are, so no one will know what we’re really like.
 |
| Sanctuary Road, somewhere in Maine. |
So why don’t I ever go down the road? Maybe because deep inside I discovered that
all of my hiding places weren’t the sanctuaries I thought they were. Maybe because each time I hid I was “found
out” by someone (usually myself). Maybe
because the sanctuaries I thought I had all burnt to the ground, one after
another. Because we can’t really
hide. Even our best spots are always
found out, but maybe that’s because we’re not supposed to hide. Maybe we’re just supposed to be who we are
with no need for a sanctuary, no need to hide, no need for shelter.
Yet I love to keep the secret fantasy deep in my
heart that all I have to do is turn and walk down that road and everything will
be fine.
